I’ve had this life philosophy for about the past 15 years where I will tell people this, “you can be anything at all for two years.” That’s the time limit. I have found when I am not being true to myself, in a relationship, with my goals, with anything two years is the tipping point. Basically you can fake it, whatever it is for you, for two years, after that you tend to crack. It’s hard to be something you’re not and you can’t fake it forever. I am a huge giant ball of love and my emotions are written all over my face. So for years I’ve insisted on being the toughest person in the room. When I need to run a meeting its 5″ stilettos (while I already stand 5’10” tall), a black sheath dress or something equally harsh and my favorite weapon..my hair. I would say to people everything about me is built to intimidate the height, the hair, all of it. I would have fringed bangs hiding my eye brows so it would be harder to gauge my expression and everything else was just unwelcoming. And I’ll tell you this it was hugely effective.
Now you may be saying why are you using your appearance to run a meeting? Well its simple, its easy. It was the quickest way to capture the room and say I am in control here without ever having to utter a word. Of course you need the brains to back that kind of power play up. Now that being said, that was a much younger version of myself and I have since learned differently. When you are working with the right people none of it should ever be necessary and my tone and appearance have softened considerably through the years.
This may be the point where you are wondering, “Is this girl ever going to explain the title of this post?”, well you are in luck! Here goes, I cut off all of my hair. Now before doing so it had been years since I had thought of my ‘haircut to intimidate’ and I generally feel very confident in my day-to-day life. Although nothing brought forth how heavily I had relied on my hair in the past until I didn’t have any. That being said I have cut my hair very short from very long before and it grows really fast so I was very excited to do this. I loved and still love my hair cut. Its looks great, its convenient, but two weeks after getting it done I had this moment of utter nakedness. It dawned on my I could no longer hide at all. I couldn’t hide behind my hair, I couldn’t put it in a pony tail on a lazy day, nothing. It was just me. People comment more on my neck, my collar bones, my eyes, smile everything. I was uncomfortable, and it had nothing to do with not liking my hair. It had everything to do with feel very exposed all of a sudden.
I had never realized until that moment two weeks ago how I had used my looks so much to hide myself. Now when I look in the mirror I can barely remember who that person was. And while its taken me a while to adjust I’m glad I made the change and gave myself the opportunity to stand on my own two feet without the crutch I didn’t even realize I had been using.
Has a major change in your appearance totally changed the way you think?