So the best analogy I have ever heard to explain inequality was referencing black lives matter and went something like this:

A family sits down to dinner everyone has a bowl in front of them and everyone gets their bowl filled with soup except you. Your bowl sits empty. You speak up to say hey I didn’t get any soup. And you father looks at you calmly and says now now everyone wishes they had more soup.

That is what inequality looks like. And its also why its incredibly hard to fight on the side of right. If you can’t see the other persons bowl is empty and they are complaining they didn’t get enough its hard to stand up for that. I can’t speak to the personal experiences of sooo many groups so I am going to speak to mine as a wealthier, white feminist.

Recently I had to battle and battle hard, my partner is an IT worker, I used to have a construction company. So if you are a builder or contractor who would you rather work with? Obviously the person that knows less. So my husband and I own two separate houses my name is on one his is on the other.  I have had men all over my property telling me I don’t own it, what I say doesn’t matter, that I do not matter. I was told to be nice. My husband said he didn’t see the big deal I don’t own that house. And you might be sitting there saying well he’s right stop complaining.

Well around the time I had already worked with the local police to back me up that I still can remove people from my property regardless of who signed the papers (yes it got that bad). I was still being portrayed as the problem. Finally the 7th time it happened when I called me husband irate since the company I contracted to come quote some work for me said I needed a permission slip from my husband and informed him that I will not live like this and he said sorry babe that really stinks and I went you don’t get it….


Because most of these men who were harassing me didn’t consider it sexism. Neither did my husband. Until I put the phone in between us and said OK if I’m wrong pick up that phone and ask any company, any contractor to come out to my house and work with you on something to prove me wrong.

Annnnndd crickets. Because he knew in the 5 years I’ve owned that home no one has ever questioned his authority or decision making ability. And I said so do you get how it feels now. And he did. He finally got it. When you don’t live it you seriously can not understand it.

I drove my step-fathers pick up truck to the store and parked it responsibly its only an F150 for gods sake and guess what I man who wanted to pull through a parking space was mad he couldn’t. So he followed me through the parking lot suggesting I get a smaller truck. Pretty sure if I was my step-father he wouldn’t have said a word.

So far in this post in case your keeping track….I can’t own property, pay for large scale construction projects, manage large scale construction projects, feel safe in my own home or drive a pick up truck.

So if you ever wonder why the overly eager optimist supports feminsm and is a feminist above are just a few reasons why.

*PS I’m also an advocate of the father’s rights movement, LGBQT+, BLM, and pretty much any equality movement you can think of.

How have you been effected by conscious or unconscious bias? Have you advocated for someone who has?


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